Bildocker's Day Off
If wearing the logo of the genocidal alien invaders on his shirt doesn't make him off-putting enough, the skeevy way he acts towards women will!
|"Bildocker's Day Off"|
|First published||November 27, 2013|
|Cover date||November 2013|
|Written by||Chuck Dixon|
|Art by||Jamal Igle|
|Letters by||Neil Uyetake|
Hoping to impress her, Bildocker brings Dial-Tone along to watch him wheel and deal but ends up walking into the middle of a Cobra arms auction!
As he shows off the new action figure of himself that he had a friend of his make, Bildocker is disappointed to find Roadblock and Mainframe less than impressed with his toy, Mainframe finding the difference in physique between the toy and the genuine article especially amusing. Though Dial-Tone speaks up in his defense, the other two aren't interested in toys and just want Bildocker to get back to scrounging up some Dragon armor for them. After thanking Dial-Tone, Bildocker makes a call to his contact Max and offers him some Rolling Stones concert tickets in exchange for the body armor but finds him unwilling to make the trade. Sensing his frustration, Dial-Tone asks Bildocker if he has any other sources he can reach out to, and that gets him thinking... They are in Florida, and Bildocker knows a local who just might be able to get him what he needs!
Having somehow talked Dial-Tone into accompanying him, Bildocker off-roads through the Florida everglades in a borrowed Humvee before stopping along the river. However, rather than his old contact Skeeter, the fanboat that arrives carries three passengers that Bildocker doesn't recognize, the cowboy-hatted leader of whom claims Skeeter sent them in his stead. As he offers to help Dial-Tone aboard the boat, the already suspicious Joe sees a hint of a rather suspicious looking symbol tattooed on his arm but still accepts his hand. While en route, Bildocker is surprised to hear the cowboy say they're heading towards an auction, having thought this was going to be a simple trade. He goes along with it though, claiming that he has plenty of cash with which to bid. This gets Dial-Tone a bit annoyed with him, though not nearly as annoyed as she gets when Bildocker doesn't deny the cowboy's assumption that he and she are a couple!
After they arrive at their destination and start going through the warehouse, Bildocker is too fixated on Dial-Tone holding him close to maintain cover to notice her raising concerns about all the heavy-duty, black market weaponry that's up for auction. Taking him aside, she tells Bildocker that she noticed the cowboy had a Cobra tattoo and, furthermore, many of the other people at the auction are known terrorists and international criminals! While Bildocker doesn't quite believe her that his old buddy would have ties to Cobra, when they stumble upon a huge stash of Stinger missile launchers he starts to believe something may be up. Dial-Tone demands to know what he was thinking bringing her here and Bildocker sadly admits that he just wanted to show her what he looks like in his element so that there would be at least one teammate of his who didn't consider him some sort of horrible loser. With this, Dial-Tone suddenly kisses him... though not for the reason Bildocker had hoped. Turning around, he finds the cowboy along with another man by the name of Packer asking just who they're supposed to be. Bildocker improvises a story about being a purchaser for a Mexican cartel but Packer sees right through him. Throwing Bildocker into a boathouse to hold him prisoner, Packer promises that after the auction he's going to find out who he really is. As for Dial-Tone, Packer and the cowboy auctioneer intend to put her up for sale as well.
In the boathouse, Bildocker briefly mopes around until he hears Skeeter's familiar voice coming from the corner. Bildocker proceeds to explode at him, demanding to know how he could be dealing Stinger missiles for Cobra. Skeeter refutes his accusations though, explaining that he would never stock anything as serious as Stingers and that the people behind the auction had offered to buy him out and then took him prisoner when he refused. Accepting his old friend's explanation, Bildocker then asks Skeeter how they're going to get out. While they could probably get out through the roof pretty easy, they'd run the risk of being spotted, so their only real option is to go out through the floor. This, however, presents it's own obstacle in the form of Willy the hungry crocodile who hangs out beneath the boathouse! Since Willy appears to be asleep for the time being, Bildocker and Skeeter decide to risk it but end up waking him up, forcing them to make a run for it!
As the auction begins, the cowboy begins slinging cases of assault rifles and, to sweeten the pot, throws in Dial-Tone as well. Before any final bids get in though, there's an explosion off in the distance from a rocket fired by Skeeter, he and Bildocker having gotten a hold of the Stingers. Firing another rocket, Skeeter hits a shack that's loaded with fireworks, causing an even bigger explosion that derails the entire auction! Seizing the opportunity, Dial-Tone knees Packer in the stomach and steals his gun, which she uses to shoot the cowboy and one of his lackeys. Bildocker and Skeeter then storm the auction and demand that the bidders hand over Dial-Tone. Thoroughly unamused, the bidders pull guns on the two men, but before they can shoot, they all go down in a hail of gunfire from above, Bildocker and Dial-Tone's fellow Joes having come to the rescue! A team of Joes led by Beachhead then storm the auction on the ground and take Packer and the surviving bidders into custody. Unfortunately, they also have to arrest Skeeter for his outlaw behavior as well, though he tells Bildocker he's just happy to have gotten even with the people who took over his operation. Bildocker then asks Dial-Tone about when they're going to have a second date. Though she takes it as a joke, when Bildocker starts asking for a goodnight kiss she gives him a punch to the face instead.
Characters in italic text only appear in flashback. (Numbers indicate order of appearance.)
Roadblock: "That supposed to be you, Bildocker?"
Mainframe: "Looks more like half of you."
Dial-Tone: "That's mean, Mainframe"
Roadblock: "When's the last time you carried a rifle on an operation?"
Mainframe: "This should come with a cell phone."
Roadblock: "And a box of pencils."
Mainframe: "And a cheeseburger! Ha ha ha!"
"But you need to think about what you're doing, Bildocker. The Special Missions team is a highly classified unit. You can't have some civilian making dolls of us. I'm going for coffee. Want some?"
"No thanks. And they're not dolls, they're action figures."
- -Dial-Tone makes Bildocker give a defense that's as old as time.
"I got Stones tickets. Center stage, third row. You'll be able to see Jagger sweat."
"Do I have any tickets for a band that's still alive? Come on, Max."
- -Bildocker's offer is refused by Max.
- While this was a perfectly innocent little reference at the time of this issue's production, the advent of the IDW-Hasbro Universe in 2016 makes the Decepticon logo t-shirt Bildocker spends most of this issue wearing... problematic. In merging the previously separate IDW Transformers and G.I. Joe continuities, just a few years prior to this issue's events the Decepticons had all but conquered Earth and massacred humans by the millions during the All Hail Megatron story arc. Not exactly a good look there, Bildocker!
- Mainframe mentions that Hawk had vouched for Bildocker, referencing his recruitment to the Joes in G.I. Joe vol. 2 #12. In that issue he was stationed at MacDill Air Force Base in Florida, which would explain why he's so familiar with the Floridian black market. Though the base this issue opens in is unnamed, it is clearly shown to be an Air Force base, suggesting that it may be MacDill.
- Though he's supposed to be with the main, public-facing Joe team over in G.I. Joe vol. 3, Roadblock seems to be continuing to slum it with the Special Missions unit as he has been since the "Operation: Deadfall" arc that stretched from Special Missions issues #5 through #7.
- Speaking of that public facing Joe team, the first issue of G.I. Joe vol. 3 established that, as part of their "celebrity soldier" marketing initiative, the members of that team would have their own action figures! We never actually saw these action figures in universe, but Bildocker's action figure is presumably in line with those.
- Bildocker tries to sway Max to give him dragon armor in exchange for Rolling Stones tickets and references their lead singer Mick Jagger. Max, unfortunately, wasn't interested in seeing a bunch of 70 year olds who've been playing since the 1960s.
- Mainframe claims Bildocker scrounges like a "Jedi master", because that's a thing the Jedi do in the Star Wars movies apparently. Mainframe, is a nerd, you see.
- Bildocker asks Dial-Tone if Cobra recruits like the Rotarians, though she compares them more to the Hells Angels.
- Bildocker claims the Joes went "Iwo Jima" on the market when they came to the rescue.
- The first page of the auction scene is colored in a palette that suggests it takes place during the day, or at least inside a well-lit warehouse, but all subsequent pages are done in a nighttime palette.
- Bildocker is actually on the clock and attempting to do his job for the entirety of this issue.
- Cover A: Bildocker menaced by Willy, by Paul Gulacy, Aburtov, and Juan Foo
- Cover B: Bildocker and Dial-Tone on a fan boat, by Jamal Igle, Juan Castro, Aburtov, and Juan Foo
- Retailer incentive cover: Cold Slither after changing their line-up and selling out, by S.L. Gallant, Brian Shearer, and J. Brown